When I was going through my internal torment with PTSD I felt that the outer world was just plain cruel. It seemed to me that no one cared about anyone or anything but themselves. I realized that we live in one egotistical & self centered world. Everyone was out for themselves. If it didn’t involve or affect them they didn’t care. They turned a blind eye to it. I was calling out for help in so many different ways now that I look back on it and no one was there for me. You sure can tell who your true friends are when you need someone the most. I was suffering PSTD for christ sake. They thought, “he’s faking it”. Everyone turned their back on me. They never returned my calls or emails. They acted as if I no longer existed. Why? I ask this over and over again in my mind. It made me crazy angry knowing that I had to face this battle alone. It made me bitter, resentful to a point where I hated everyone including cops. I was a cop. I hated myself for choosing this career. Then I ask myself why did I choose this career path. The only answer that would come to my mind over and over again was because I cared about people. I wanted to make a difference in someones life. I wanted to make a difference. Period! I than discovered that 95% of the cops I worked with didn’t feel the same way. It was an ego trip for them to carry around that badge and gun. They were macho. They felt like the shit. 95% of cops in my opinion during this difficult time were insecure human beings.